Eurovision 2022 Semi 1 – The Day After

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Alora! Finally semi 1 was upon us yesterday. Yet despite a rehearsal week full of rumours and drama, we were not ready. It turned out not to be the best of nights for p*ssy, p*nani or Pia Maria. Or even Pausini, some say. But was it really that dramatic? James, bring me the microscope! #esc2022 #eurovision
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Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 14: Spain, UK & final thoughts

 

PART 14This is the end, my friend! Two entries left to review. Plus the impossible task of trying to predict the outcome. Mirror mirror on the wall? Tarot deck or crystal ball? No, I don’t need help: I’m an expert after all. #eurovision #esc22 #esc2022
Continue reading “Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 14: Spain, UK & final thoughts”

Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 13: Italy, France & Germany

 

PART 13Lucky number 13 of the previews brings us the first batch of finalists, including the home entry. Will it be another Big Year for (some of) the Big Five? James, bring forth the Brividi! #eurovision #esc22 #esc2022
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Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 12: Belgium, Sweden & Czechia + quali prediction for semi 2

 

PART 12No lights off but rather light at the end of the tunnel as we come to the end of the horror that is Semi 2. And then we still have to guesstimate who’ll make it. Alexa, make my cappuccino a double today! #eurovision #esc22 #esc2022
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Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 11: Romania, Poland & Montenegro

 

PART 11Part 11 of the previews, deep into semi 2 and we desperately need something to lift the mood. Maybé todayé, bébébé? #eurovision #esc22 #esc2022
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Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 10: Ireland, North Macedonia & Estonia

 

PART 10Part 10 of this year’s #eurovision previews, smack bang in the middle of Semi 2 and we’ve only got one entry with 4 stars until now for this semi. Until today…from the most unexpected of corners no less. #spoileralert #esc22 #esc2022
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Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 9: San Marino, Australia & Cyprus

 

PART 9Part 9 of this year’s previews and quite frankly it’s about time semi 2 starts delivering. Will the Mediterranean offer some relief, or do we really need to travel all the way Down Under to turn the beat around? #eurovision #esc2022 
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Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 8: Azerbaijan, Georgia & Malta

 

PART 8

Hi Siri, please insert inspirational intro here so I don’t have to. Why? Cause I don’t feel inspired. Why? Jump into today’s trio and find out for yourself! #eurovision #esc2022 #esc22 
Continue reading “Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 8: Azerbaijan, Georgia & Malta”

Eurovision 2022 Previews Part 7: Finland, Israel & Serbia

 

PART 7

Semi 1 done and dusted, time to plunge into the fiery review pits of semi 2! I.M. quite the Jezebel and not at all a Corpore Sano, so this first trio had better be ready. Cause I.M. lurking in the shadows… #eurovision #esc2022

1. Finland – The Rasmus – Jezebel

The Song: Ah, The Rasmus! I’ve murdered their “In The Shadows” many a time on SingStar, and was hoping for something with a similar impact. Alas. It does sound like The Rasmus, but more like its distant cousin twice removed. Everyone knows I love a good rock song, but bless their hearts: this is more of a paint-by-numbers schlager in rock disguise, with the silliest choice of a title to boot. Jezebel? What the hell.

Standout line: “Game set a killer shark in heels”  Sounds like me when I’m in drag.

The Voice: Perfectly adequate. A bit shaky in the verses at times but it’s solid in the chorus, which is where it needs to happen.

The Style: The redeeming quality of this entry. Loving the yellow, which is always a winning combo with black in my book. I want that yellow coat – if that means we get that naked torso however: you can keep it.

In one line: Even a random Drag Name Generator would give us something fresher than ‘Jezebel’.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It’s perfectly adequate.
Why it won’t qualify:
This isn’t the version of The Rasmus we wanted.
Qualifier? Probably YES

Give your own rating for Finland down at the bottom of the page

2. Israel – Michael Ben David – I.M.

The Song: What song, I ask of you? Without any coherence whatsoever, besides desperately trying to be fierce, this sounds more like a bunch of soundbites that accidentally ended up in the same mix. There’s about as much coherence to this ‘composition’ as the average Boris Johnson speech, and the lyrics are on par. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this sounds more like one of the lyrics-writing challenges on Rupaul’s Drag race. If you know, you know.  

Standout line: “I‘m shameless and I‘m spotless and I‘m flawless”   And slightly clueless.

The Voice: Not the most worrisome element in this entry. By a long shot.

The Style: For an entry that’s so full of Eleganza, it’s surprisingly low on Extravaganza. Yes, they’re going for a variation on Vogue but I need more. More! MORE!

In one line: I’m sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: Overly positive rainbow family members and allies think this slays the house down boots.
Why it won’t qualify:
It doesn’t slay the house down boots.
Qualifier? NO

Give your own rating for Israel own at the bottom of the page

3. Serbia – Konstrakta – In Corpore Sano

The Song: As a piece of art, I love it. As a song, I appreciate it. As a Eurovision entry, I don’t have a clue what to do with it. But I catch myself kinda loving that it’s there.

Standout line: “What could be the secret of Meghan Markle‘s healthy hair?”  It’s a wig.

The Voice: It’s cabaret so it’s all about getting the point across, which I’m sure won’t be an issue.

The Style: We’ve all been over-washing our hands, which makes that NF performance almost traumatizing. Konstrakta – ideal drag name, by the way – is an artist pur sang. Would love to see something just a bit more varied, just for the sake of keeping the attention.

In one line: I haven’t felt sana in ages, tbh.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It’s art, Jim, but not as we know it.
Why it won’t qualify: 
We all keep our distance after excessive hand hygiene.
Qualifier? YES

Give your own rating for Serbia own at the bottom of the page

CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS

  LITHUANIA

  NETHERLANDS – PORTUGAL – ICELAND – ARMENIA

  ALBANIA – UKRAINE – CROATIA – AUSTRIA – NORWAY – SERBIA

 LATVIA – SWITZERLAND – SLOVENIA – DENMARK – GREECE – FINLAND – ISRAEL

 BULGARIA – MOLDOVA

 

Tomorrow: Azerbaijan, Georgia & Malta

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