Eurovision 2024 Previews Part 6: Malta, Albania & Greece

Time to dive into semi 2 and the sound of the Mediterranean beckons. So, in the words of a certain goddess: “If we took a holiday?” But wait, don’t start daydreaming yet! This could turn into a nightmare before you even utter the words ‘all inclusive’.

1. Malta – Sarah Bonnici – Loop

The Song: Another one from the school of Unicorn, chopping a song up in the weirdest places so we end up with a chaotic soup of soundbites. It tries *really* hard to sound edgy, but it ends up being rather dodgy. It’s all a bit confusing as to what it wants to be, and the lyrics don’t really help either: is she happy or angry about being on loop? I can tell you one thing that won’t be on loop though: this song. Because BASIC.

Standout line: “You know how to spin me, boy” Like a record baby, round round round round.

The Voice: Perfectly average pop song doesn’t require more than perfectly average vocals. Do wonder how those high ‘loops’ will come across, but I guess that’s when the pre-recorded backings kick in. No, still don’t wanna get started on those again.

The Style: They’ll need to pull something rather unexpected out their hats if they want to make this feel like it actually has an identity of its own. If you feel I’m rushing through this preview, you’re not wrong. Because what’s there to say, really?

In one line: Fast Forward.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: DANCE BREAK!
Why it won’t qualify: Thirteen in a dozen.
Qualifier? It doesn’t even stand out in this first half of the semi, so no. Even though it opens the semi.
Winner? Lol.

2. Albania – Besa – Titan

The Song: Another revamp, another downgrade for Albania. It has happened so many times before in the past two decades and it’s frankly baffling. All of the spice is carefully removed until we’re left with something so bland it’s hard to even  recognize the song. Especially when you substitute the wonderful sounding Albanian language for some middle of the road English lyrics. The melody sounded way cooler in the original Albanian version and a title like Titan can only bring doom, considering what happened with a certain Titan last year. Seriously: “I won’t go down, I’ll never break, like a Titan I’ll be brave”? Someone didn’t read the room…or a newspaper. The dance infusion in the last 30 seconds lifts it up, certainly, but it’s way too little and way too late.

Standout line: “Every tear’s gonna ricochet” – *Miranda Hart voice* Ricochet.

The Voice: Festivali i Këngës proved that this particular element needn’t be a point of worry. Though we might retract that statement quicker than one can say ‘accent’ once we get served the English version.

The Style: Albania usually manages a decent if not quite effective staging, I’ll be quite curious to see what they come up with for this particular Titan. Presumably there won’t be any subaquatic elements added?

In one line: A Titan that won’t go down? What’s Albanian for ‘auch’?
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: Albania sometimes slips through the cracks.
Why it won’t qualify: There won’t be a lot of cracks to slip through.
Qualifier? No, for now.
Winner? If you count backwards, maybe.

3. Greece – Marina Satti – Zari

The Song: This as well follows in the footsteps of Unicorn in terms of (lack of) structure, even though it’s luckily slightly less chaotic. The combination of the more silent parts and the heavily produced dance parts makes for a song that feels like it never really gets going the way it could and/or should. Maybe that’s because I really dig the dance parts, with their reggaeton-esque beat and the instruments that really bring out the Mediterranean flavors. Maybe it’s because of the effect of the more quiet parts, but more on that below. Or maybe it’s just Maybelline.

Standout line: “Móni pethaíno an eísai alloú / I die alone if you are not here” That is what logic would dictate, yes.

The Voice: I quite like Marina’s voice when she’s actually singing. But. When she’s going for the higher pitch it makes my skin crawl. It’s like Alvin and the chipmunks running their nails on a chalk board, and it wouldn’t surprise me if dogs all over Europe would try and hide in the furthest corner of the house when this comes on. It makes the quiet parts mentioned above rather unbearable.

The Style: I’m presuming we’ll get something that feels SUPER Greek and honestly in this musical setting it would simply feel correct. Bring the Sirtaki-esque choreo, I say! Now watch them go all left field à la Katerine Duska.

In one line: Ne Zari, Zoro.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It’s Greek.
Why it won’t qualify: It’s too Greek.
Qualifier? Naí (that’s Greek for yes, surprisingly enough).
Winner? It’s way too polarizing to win.

CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS

LITHUANIA – AUSTRALIA

AZERBAIJAN – LUXEMBOURG

  POLAND – MOLDOVA – GREECE

  CYPRUS – SERBIA – CROATIA – SLOVENIA – FINLAND – PORTUGAL – ALBANIA

IRELAND – UKRAINE – ICELAND – MALTA

Tomorrow: Switzerland, Czechia & Austria