Eurovision 2024 Previews Part 11: France, Germany & Italy

Two semis behind us, six direct finalists to go. Hopefully there’s something worthwhile among them to save this edition. Pretty please? S’il vous plaît? Bitte schön? Piuttosto, per favore?

1. France – Slimane – Mon Amour

The Song: After less successful ventures into electro folk and gibberish disco, France is back to what it does best: sounding très French. This stereotypical ballad just oozes brie & red wine, both literally and figuratively. It’s all laid on so very thick here: the drama, the sadness, the melancholy. It almost veers into parody territory, but it takes itself way too seriously to ever even consider toning it down for the sake of palatability. Which in turn makes it almost impossible to take it seriously. But eventually the coin does land the right side up. Simply because it’s so very French.

Standout line: “Dis-moi à quoi tu penses” Or in Gen z’s words: What’s your Roman Empire ?

The Voice: Much like the song itself, this is so OTT that it almost feels like Slimane is trolling us. Make no mistake: this man can Sing with a capital S. But he really wants to prove that with every syllable he utters and simply ends up over-singing more than half of the song. Tone it down just a notch and I might not end up feeling so overwhelmed that I end up underwhelmed. Jealousy, you say? How very dare you.

The Style: Pretty straightforward – simply stand there and sing.  And occasionally take a step back, apparently. I kinda love Slimane’s styling choices, so I’m curious to see how much his final choice could distract from/add to the overall package. I’m still not sure if the Dotter-esque mirrored shirt from the video is the way to go, even after all of these months. So maybe they should try anyway.

In one line: Je t’aime moi non plus.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will make top 10: One of the few ballads this year and though it’s not a grand cru it’s still *very* French.
Why it will make top 10: This wine tastes like cork.
Winner? It’s not without chance, but if it wins it’s probably because others are too polarizing and divide juries and televoters too much. It would be somewhat odd to have something quite old fashioned like this winning in 2024 though.

2. Germany – Isaak – Always On the Run

The Song: This is one of the hardest ones to capture in this year’s field, as it sounds so freaking familiar all throughout yet never touches solid base when it comes to a frame of reference. The closest I get would be Rag’n Bone Man. You know, the kind of straightboi poprock that just passes me by completely. And there’s a kind of restlessness that I don’t particularly need as I feel too restless myself these days. BUT. I feel like this is gravely underestimated within the ESC bubble. It might not have the umph the fans crave, but this sounds like it could be a non-fan vote magnet.

Standout line: “I am nothing but the average” Not the most alluring of opening lines, surely.

The Voice: Following through on the above, the Rag’n Bone Man vibes are real. Not particularly fond of the verses and the lower bits in the bridge, but the way Isaak tackles that chorus makes up for a lot. Just a bit more tweaking and he could blow away more people than we give him credit for.

The Style: Adoring the jewelry and the nail polish etc from the NF, but that hoodie has got to go. Comfortable street wear, sure. But please put in more effort than simply looking as if you got up from your couch after a 48 hour Netflix marathon. Danke schön.

In one line: Run, Forrest, RUN!
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will make top 10: Because statistically they have to, after ending up in the bottom five for the past four years.
Why it won’t make top 10: The fan community has collectively decided it’s unworthy.
Winner? For Germany, not ending up last probably equals winning, so in that case: sure. Otherwise: I don’t think so, nein.

3. Italy – Angelina Mango – La Noia

The Song: Fresh as a mango on a summer day. That chorus is just SO DAMN CATCHY and the way it’s produced feels very reminiscent of our own Stromae. As per usual for Italy, the lyrics in the verses contain waaaay too many words/syllables, but the simplicity of the chorus more than makes up for it. Whatever way you look at it, it’s far from boring.

Standout line: “Per le bimbe incasinate con i traumi / For the messed up girls with traumas” As a messed up non-binary person I’ll just go ahead and feel included here.

The Voice: None of the performances in San Remo left me impressed, or even at ease with what I was hearing. The chorus is fine of course, but the verses and bridge sound almost off-key most of the time and it really puts this rather wonderful entry in peril. History has taught me that the sounds balance at San Remo, maybe partly due to the orchestra effect, doesn’t necessarily provide a good indication for ESC. But I’m afraid, very afraid.

The Style: With the exception of a certain ape-like apparition some years ago, the Italians usually know how to bring style to the contest. I hope Angelina won’t have to fill the stage by herself though, this fresh tune needs buckets of fun on stage to really fill the Malmö Arena.

In one line: Not very annoying.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will make top 10: It’s Italy.
Why it won’t make top 10: It’s Italy, but not as we know it.
Winner? It’s probably in with a shot, but a mid top ten spot would be a safer bet.

CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS

LITHUANIA – AUSTRALIA – NORWAY

AZERBAIJAN – LUXEMBOURG – SWITZERLAND – NETHERLANDS

  POLAND – MOLDOVA – GREECE – BELGIUM – ESTONIA – FRANCE – ITALY

  CYPRUS – SERBIA – CROATIA – SLOVENIA – FINLAND – PORTUGAL – ALBANIA – CZECHIA – AUSTRIA – DENMARK – LATVIA – SAN MARINO – GEORGIA – GERMANY

IRELAND – UKRAINE – ICELAND – MALTA – ARMENIA – ISRAEL

Tomorrow: Spain, Sweden & United Kingdom