Eurovision 2024 Previews Part 10: Estonia, Israel, Norway & Netherlands

A serving of four this time, and we’re still waiting on another four or five star entry to liven up Semi 2. Maybe we’re saving the best for last? And oh yeah, Israel’s there too. 

13. Estonia – 5miinust & Puuluup – (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi

The Song: Catchy title, guys. really top notch! Branding or lack thereof aside, whenever this pops up in the Spotify playlist my brain acts like it has never heard it before and is always surprised it seems to like it. That’s because the first couple of times I heard it, it was accompanied by the NF performance. On its own it’s surprisingly pleasant and coherent. I know, right? And looking at the lyrics for this preview, imagine my surprise when I found out they are actually genuinely funny. Not miauw-miauw-bye-kitty-baby-lasagna funny, but ACTUALLY funny and clever! Too bad they’ll be lost on 98% of the audience but hey: that’s the charm of singing in your native tongue for ya!

Standout line: “Vormis mehed külas mul on väga okei / A visit from men in uniform? That’s totally ok” I too love a man in uniform.

The Voice: Meh. And they’re not required to be more than meh in the setting of a local final, but if you wanna sell it for more than it’s worth to an international audience you might wanna step it up a notch. Even if you’re simply trying to out-cool each other.

The Style: This feels more like The Boys just having a bit of fun in one of the band members’ man cave, rather than a band performing on stage. Again: perfectly ties in with the lyrics. But, again again: when a large portion of the audience doesn’t get what you’re on about, you might wanna step it up. But from the look of things, they probably won’t care either way and just do their ‘thang’.

In one line: I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between vitamins and speed either.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: They’re crazy like a fool, what about daddy cool?
Why it won’t qualify: They’re just foolish.
Qualifier? It’s hard to see them make it, but they’re not without a chance.
Winner? Sure, and everybody will chant along merrily instantly. Or not.

14. Israel – Eden Golan – Hurricane

The Song: As a song it’s a beautiful and touching lament with quite a poetic set of lyrics. It’s hard to listen to it without being able to forget about the current context of April 2024 however. But it’s not super literal, so at least there’s that. Nor is it super corny, which is a bit of a relief. There are also some clever productional choices here, like the switch to Hebrew in the last few bars of the song, or the drops of water trickling throughout. Though those are a bit cynical, taking into account a certain humanitarian crisis in a certain Strip. At least the entire thing does not feel like propaganda à la Russia 2013 and 2015, so I guess we should be… grateful?

Standout line: “Everything is black and white” It doesn’t have to be though.

The Voice: Not a point of worry or discussion for now, I’d think.  Curious to see how possible/probable/inevitable crowd reactions will influence the performance. I sure hope Eden will manage to stay in her power in the midst of all this madness.

The Style: I beg of you – don’t give us the modern dance routine from the video. I know you want to express the pain you’re feeling, but don’t. Simply put Eden center stage and let simplicity do the talking. Anything else will come across as pushy and will leave a bitter aftertaste.

In one line: CEASE FIRE NOW.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It has its merits.
Why it won’t qualify: It’s hard to consider it purely on its own merits.
Qualifier? Who can say? I hope it doesn’t for multiple reasons, but mainly just to have a smooth Saturday. No shade to Eden of course, nothing personal darling.
Winner? I sure hope the fuck not. It is possible, but it would mean the death of Eurovision. Possibly IRL but certainly for me, and that’s a painful thought considering I’ve been a fan since the early ’90s.

15. Norway – Gåte – Ulveham

The Song: Wham, bam, thank you ma’am. What more do you need than some dark fairytale-like lyrics, brooding verses and a catchy dramatic chorus laced with heavy guitars that hit you in the face like a brick? Nothing, that’s what.

Standout line: “Eg var meg så ven og fager ei møy / I was a very fine and beautiful maiden” So was I once.

The Voice: My main point of worry, even if it’s only a slight worry. The vocals aren’t always as on point as they could or should be. There are only a few slight hick-ups, let’s hope those are ironed out by the time we get to the final. Love how she sounds like a witch at the stake, but then again I always go weak in the knees for powerful women in any way, shape or form.

The Style: That performance in the NF was so on point: the lasers, the shadowy forest effect, the turning table… Very well thought out, don’t change a thing for Malmö.

In one line: Winter is here.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It just oozes power.
Why it won’t qualify: Vikings, The Witcher and Game Of Thrones are soooo five years ago.
Qualifier?  Obviously.
Winner? I can’t see a guitar-heavy song winning that soon after Måneskin, but why not. It would be a worthy winner, and it’s not totally without its chances.

16. Netherlands – Joost Klein – Europapa

The Song: Where do I begin? Berlin, Vienna or Amsterdam? This is all over the place, literally in the lyrics and figuratively in its build-up/structure. Which means it shouldn’t work. And yet it somehow…does? The low hanging fruit stuff like the cliché cuisine quips and the childish rhyming perfectly go hand in hand with some quintessential Dutch music scene standout sounds – with the 2 Unlimited-esque happy techno beat taking the crown. Which could be slightly too much or too little, depending on how you’re looking at it. But it all gets balanced out by another layer, and a surprising one at that. The emo part hides very well throughout the song, and its ‘reveal’ at the end really gives a depth to this entry that some of its ‘clowny’ predecessors sorely lacked. Very nifty all in all, even if it feels ever so one-dimensional at first glance. Though I did notice the studio version on streaming services doesn’t include the slow emo ending, so color me confused.

Standout line: “Ik heb naar je geluisterd / I listened to you.” Me too.

The Voice: Perfectly adequate for what the song requires. He knows his limits and perfectly works around them to even make them feel like strengths. Curious to hear if any of the autotuned parts will be covered live. I presume they won’t, but one can hope.

The Style: Obviously more is more so I’m fully expecting the video times 10. Unlike the Finnish entry, this seems to have a very good sense of what to do and what to don’t. I’m not the biggest fan of the TikTok-able choreo in the video, but they’re using ESC’s own clichés against itself and do it so well it becomes brilliant again. If they’re able to continue to walk the tightrope between clever and overcooked, this promises to be rather epic.

In one line: *insert dad joke here*
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It’s so frikking clever.
Why it won’t qualify: People judge the book by its cover.
Qualifier?  Ja. Eurojaja.
Winner? I mean…maybe? I don’t see juries going for this enough to lift it into the top three, but one never knows.

PREDICTION QUALIFIERS SEMI 2/

BELGIUM – NETHERLANDS – NORWAY – GREECE – SWITZERLAND – AUSTRIA – ISRAEL – GEORGIA – ARMENIA – DENMARK

CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS

LITHUANIA – AUSTRALIA – NORWAY

AZERBAIJAN – LUXEMBOURG – SWITZERLAND – NETHERLANDS

  POLAND – MOLDOVA – GREECE – BELGIUM – ESTONIA

  CYPRUS – SERBIA – CROATIA – SLOVENIA – FINLAND – PORTUGAL – ALBANIA – CZECHIA – AUSTRIA – DENMARK – LATVIA – SAN MARINO – GEORGIA

IRELAND – UKRAINE – ICELAND – MALTA – ARMENIA – ISRAEL

Tomorrow: France, Germany & Italy