Semi 1 done and dusted, time to plunge into the fiery review pits of semi 2! I.M. quite the Jezebel and not at all a Corpore Sano, so this first trio had better be ready. Cause I.M. lurking in the shadows… #eurovision #esc2022
1. Finland – The Rasmus – Jezebel
The Song: Ah, The Rasmus! I’ve murdered their “In The Shadows” many a time on SingStar, and was hoping for something with a similar impact. Alas. It does sound like The Rasmus, but more like its distant cousin twice removed. Everyone knows I love a good rock song, but bless their hearts: this is more of a paint-by-numbers schlager in rock disguise, with the silliest choice of a title to boot. Jezebel? What the hell.
Standout line: “Game set a killer shark in heels” Sounds like me when I’m in drag.
The Voice: Perfectly adequate. A bit shaky in the verses at times but it’s solid in the chorus, which is where it needs to happen.
The Style: The redeeming quality of this entry. Loving the yellow, which is always a winning combo with black in my book. I want that yellow coat – if that means we get that naked torso however: you can keep it.
In one line: Even a random Drag Name Generator would give us something fresher than ‘Jezebel’.
Why it will qualify: It’s perfectly adequate.
Why it won’t qualify: This isn’t the version of The Rasmus we wanted.
Qualifier? Probably YES
Give your own rating for Finland down at the bottom of the page
2. Israel – Michael Ben David – I.M.
The Song: What song, I ask of you? Without any coherence whatsoever, besides desperately trying to be fierce, this sounds more like a bunch of soundbites that accidentally ended up in the same mix. There’s about as much coherence to this ‘composition’ as the average Boris Johnson speech, and the lyrics are on par. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this sounds more like one of the lyrics-writing challenges on Rupaul’s Drag race. If you know, you know.
Standout line: “I‘m shameless and I‘m spotless and I‘m flawless” And slightly clueless.
The Voice: Not the most worrisome element in this entry. By a long shot.
The Style: For an entry that’s so full of Eleganza, it’s surprisingly low on Extravaganza. Yes, they’re going for a variation on Vogue but I need more. More! MORE!
In one line: I’m sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.
Why it will qualify: Overly positive rainbow family members and allies think this slays the house down boots.
Why it won’t qualify: It doesn’t slay the house down boots.
Give your own rating for Israel own at the bottom of the page
3. Serbia – Konstrakta – In Corpore Sano
The Song: As a piece of art, I love it. As a song, I appreciate it. As a Eurovision entry, I don’t have a clue what to do with it. But I catch myself kinda loving that it’s there.
Standout line: “What could be the secret of Meghan Markle‘s healthy hair?” It’s a wig.
The Voice: It’s cabaret so it’s all about getting the point across, which I’m sure won’t be an issue.
The Style: We’ve all been over-washing our hands, which makes that NF performance almost traumatizing. Konstrakta – ideal drag name, by the way – is an artist pur sang. Would love to see something just a bit more varied, just for the sake of keeping the attention.
In one line: I haven’t felt sana in ages, tbh.
Why it will qualify: It’s art, Jim, but not as we know it.
Why it won’t qualify: We all keep our distance after excessive hand hygiene.
Give your own rating for Serbia own at the bottom of the page
CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS
Tomorrow: Azerbaijan, Georgia & Malta