Welcome back to this year’s previews! Let’s continue with the next three on offer in semi 1!
7. Croatia – Let 3 – Mama ŠČ
The Song: I’d say I have no idea what just happened but it’s abundantly clear what just happened: they served the biggest middle finger on what is definitely not a silver platter. Which is so surprising for a punk band like this, really. (#sarcasm) The lyrics are deliciously rebellious and for once it feels like a shame not to have anything in English, even if it is totally understandable why they are keeping it in Croatian only. The structure of the song is, much like everything else, completely all over the place and I kinda love ànd hate it for that reason.
Standout line: “Armageddon-granny” Sounds like the title of a porn flick I’d pay to never see.
The Voice: If you think the studio version is barely acceptable, go check out the NF version. But brace yourself.
The Style: More is more and preferably everything everywhere all at once. And honestly, after the Irish mediocrity we can all use this kind of OTT-ness. Some of those jackets are to die for, by the way. But a lot of their accessories seem to come from ASOS (outing myself as an online shopaholic here), which somehow feels weird for a punk band? And I’d give some make-up tips but I’m sure that has been done deliberately bad as well. Though that Trixie Mattel face in the video almost feels like an odd tribute.
In one line: Alexa, play Loreen’s Statements again.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 
Why it will qualify: Punk is definitely not dead.
Why it won’t qualify: It’s so incoherent even Ian Malcolm would have trouble with this chaos.
Qualifier? They could be the surprise that sneaks in. A rebellious YES it is.
8. Switzerland – Remo Forrer – Watergun
The Song: There was bound to be a peace ballad in this field and it’s surprisingly lonesome in that regard. Having an anti-war anthem from an otherwise neutral state feels quite un-Swiss. Which will definitely play to its advantage and it can kiss its lucky stars because where it feels really Swiss are the cheesy lyrics. It feels so literal and preachy. Well intended, yes, but preachy. But (and it’s a big but) it also feels like the kind of thing that is instant-emo enough to sink its hooks into people’s will to vote. The production feels as standard as the lyrics, and some lines fleetingly feel like Pioneer (Hungary 2016). Not the most aspirational of inspirations, but hey.
Fun titbit: I visited Thailand during Songkran, their celebration of the new year, which is when they hold ‘water gun’ fights in the streets. I say water gun, but I mean water AK-47 (as if I know what that is). Outrageous. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. Soaking wet, because a tall European is on everyone’s hit list after all. Alexa, play Memories again! OK, now back to the regular schedule.
Standout line: “Grow to be the kings we dream” Or queens, just saying.
The Voice: That voice out of that face? It’ll probably make the overall impression even more ‘aww’ inducing. But really: he won two singing competitions, I doubt his vocals will be a hurdle.
The Style: I just have one question: will there be a piano and will he walk away from it mid-song, or will they go for a Bulgaria 2017 approach?
In one line: When will the concept of a wine gun ever come into fruition?
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: *Miss Congeniality voice* And world peace.
Why it won’t qualify: It’s the one outcome Dr. Strange didn’t see in about a million possible outcomes.
Qualifier? YES
9. Israel – Noa Kirel – Unicorn
The Song: What is with the recent Israeli entries trying to cram as many ideas as possible in the blink of an eye that is the ESC three minute limit? So. Frikkin. Exhausting. I can’t even begin dissecting this, I really can’t. It’s like the pick-me student in class. Or for RPDR afficionadas: Loosey Laduca. Seriously: you’re trying to sell a song called Unicorn. So many opportunities. And this is what we end up with?
Standout line: “Feminine- feminine- femininal” The best lyrical idea in there and it only gets used once. What a waist…erm…waste.
The Voice: From the bio on the official site – “The Israeli broadcaster was so sure about choosing Noa to represent the country, that their Eurovision selection committee announced her participation 8 months before the official deadline for entries.” OK then, those vocals better be on point!
The Style: The video is as much of a hodge-podge as the song so let’s not get any hopes up for the stage performance. Unless they manage to choose one direction. Wait, I just said NO HOPES UP!
In one line: This unicorn is in dire need of some glitter.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: The title alone is enough to sell it.
Why it won’t qualify: It’s hardly phenomen-phenomen-phenomenal.
Qualifier? Oy vey. I mean: no way.
CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS
SERBIA
NORWAY
MALTA – LATVIA – PORTUGAL – CROATIA – SWITZERLAND – ISRAEL
IRELAND
Tomorrow: Moldova, Sweden & Azerbaijan
Dimivision 