Eurovision 2019 Previews Part 1: Cyprus, Montenegro and Finland

Posted: 09/04/2019 in Eurovision 2019

*Looks at calendar and is startled* Tick, tock, time to get a move on! Running order ruvealed revealed, less than a month until rehearsals start – beter get my review/preview gear on!  Are you ready to fly? Cause I sure as hell am not. But…there we go anyway! Fasten your shitbelts!

1. CYPRUS – Tamta – Replay

The Song: (Oh look, an open door – let’s kick it in!) Fuego 2.0, eller hur? Much like previous years it’s not the winner that left its mark on this year’s competition, but rather the silver and bronze medals. This one shouldn’t be that surprising though, as it’s from (almost) the same team behind Fuego and they’ve copy-pasted rather well. It’s catchy and it packs a punch, even if it feels just that bit less powerful than its predecessor.

Standout line: “Heart beats like an 808” Obscure professional musical term reference, 911!

The Voice: That bio on Eurovision.tv doesn’t leave much to the imagination: Eleni Tamta is a star. So there should be no doubt in her abilities to sell this. Side note: the way she pronounces the line “Only I can solve it” is so clumsy I could die.

The Performance: See above. Let’s just hope that the stage routine won’t be as all over the place like the video is because CHAOS. What the hell were they thinking? Apart from the welding shop that is, which is super cool – let’s hope they go down that route. But the rest of it is borderline hysterical, so rein it in guys!

In one line: Most ironic song title ever.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Will it qualify? Should sail through easily. Won’t repeat last year’s success however. People shouldn’t be fooled that easily. (Who am I kidding, though?)

2. MONTENEGRO – D Mol – Heaven

The Song: Shoot me now. Instant diabetes. Glee syrup shizzle. Born Again Christians vibes. No. Hell no. That’s all you’re getting out of me. No, wait: Ja Sam Ti San was ROBBED.

Standout line: “I got used to feelin’ naked, walkin’ blind with hanging heart” A hanging heart…you mean one of those tacky necklaces? No?

The Voice: Bring back Witloof Bay, all is forgiven. But really, the solo parts are not really hitting the D Mol, are they? Together they’re a bit stronger, but never very convincing.

The Performance: Tacky and middle school talent show worthy. Let’s hope they’ll change that NF performance come Tel Aviv. They won’t, will they?

In one line: Hell. (Come on, I hàd to.)
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Will it qualify? A candidate for last place in this semi, surely?

3. FINLAND – Darude ft Sebastian Reijman – Look Away

The Song: Where do I begin? Not referring to Sandstorm that’s for sure, because it isn’t even on the same planet. D to the isappointing. This was the least generic of the three songs on offer in the NF but it’s still generic AF. As a pop song it’s okay-ish but it’s never interesting enough to grab you and make you want to vote for it. By the way, the parts starting with “How can we go to sleep at night..” sound awfully familiar. I can’t put my finger on it, but my brain keeps singing ‘oewoe oehoe’ after “laying in our beds” and it’s driving me crazy. So if anyone knows, please release me. (update: it’s from Kim Wilde’s ‘You Keep Me Hangin’ On’ – all credits to John_S on the escnation message board for coming to the rescue of my rotting memory.)

Standout line: “Am I the only one?” No, there’s at least twelve more in the dozen you came from.

The Voice: OK enough. Not enough spice to ever really pull me into the song, but OK enough. But is OK enough really OK enough? OK, enough with the OK enough.

Will it qualify? Standing on top of the box doesn’t mean it’s actually out of the box, you know? The NF performance matched the feel of the song *coughs*. I hear they’re completely changing it, which is a good idea. Hopefully it won’t feature Darude playing fake synths while smurking into the camera. Hopefully they manage to learn Sebastian how to flirt with the camera instead of looking like the guy at the bar that tries to buy you a drink and hits you with a oneliner that wouldn’t even work on Tinder. Hopefully the dancer stays in Helsinki. Hopefully they’re hiring the stage designer that did Fuego, in other words.

In one line: I just might look away, yes.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
WILL IT QUALIFY?  It’s hard imagining this getting through to Saturday night, it really is.

CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS

Cyprus

Finland

Montenegro

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