Eurovision 2014 (P)review – Part 11 – Russia, San Marino & Slovenia

Posted: 30/03/2014 in Eurovision 2014 Preview, Eurovision News, General

All of this year’s songs have been selected, which means it’s time to start the countdown (cue Final Countdown) for the 2014 edition of our beloved Contest. I’ve only heard a couple of songs before writing this (p)review as I wanted to simulate the sensation of the regular viewer. Curious to see how thàt will turn out? Me too…

RU RUSSIA RU


The Song: So this is what you get when you combine the powers of P. Kirkorov and G. Borg? I’d have thought (and feared) it would be much more out there when it comes to the production but it is surprisingly middle of the road. It’s all rather safe. They have been listening closely to some Hooverphonic albums (a Belgian band, check them out) but it’s the beige poppy version of them. Lyrically this is among the worst of the year for me, sounding like a page out of a 14 year old girl’s diary. And ‘shine into my darkness’ challenges ‘undo my sad’ as the funniest and/or most cringeworthy line we’ll hear in Copenhagen.

The Voice: I suppose these girls will know how to sing, and as they’re sisters their voices will probably blend beautifully – which might give this entry some redemption.

The Performance: I suppose they won’t use that horrid slideshow in the video as a backdrop – cause nobody cares how you did in JESC ànd after that, ladiez. Curious how they’ll spice up this entry on stage

Checkpoint DIMI:
Daring? Surprisingly shy
Intriguing? Surprisingly bland
Modern? Surprisingly bland
International? The song itself won’t do very much no

In one line: Sometimes the best gets saved for last. Not this time.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 58%
PREDICTION: I suppose this will make the final, being Russia and all. Top ten will be out of reach on Saturday though.

SM SAN MARINO SM


The Song: Ow Valentina. Do you really think it’ll ever work when you keep on working with Siegel, who’s been past selling date since the mid eighties? This is the kind of tripe you only get to hear in the Eurovision bubble (well, I for one at least) and again this sounds like the intro of your random hospital series. I just…doesn’t go anywhere. Hashtag hopeless.

The Voice: Valentina is probably the best singer in San Marino. You can interpret that any way you want to.

The Performance: I wonder which Ikea item she’ll drag on stage this time round.

Checkpoint DIMI:
Daring? Hahahahaha. No.
Intriguing? Hahahahaha. No.
Modern? Hahahahaha. No.
International? Hahahahaha. No.

In one line: Maybe. But probably not.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 26%
PREDICTION: They say third time’s a charm. There’s always to old exception to the rule.

SI SLOVENIA SI


The Song: Hidden deep beneath this boring pile of nothing is a nice little song that is BEGGING for a different production – give this a haunting rock jacket or subdued electro vest and this could really turn into something fashionable. Now this will end up in the sales bin.

The Voice: Adequate enough but way too goody two shoes.

The Performance: Seriously, EVERYONE knows you’re NOT playing that flute. This song might actually benefit from a performance like Estonia or Lithuania have as it would suit the song. Which says enough.

Checkpoint DIMI:
Daring? Far from it
Intriguing? Middle of the road, more like it
Modern? Not quite, no
International? Generic, so no

In one line: Why did you even bother, Slovenia?
PERSONAL TOTAL: 35%
PREDICTION: I can’t see this setting the board on fire. Stuck in the semi.

CURRENT RESULTS

  1. Israel  92
  2. Norway  88
  3. Hungary  87
  4. Iceland  84
  5. Armenia  83
  6. Italy  79
  7. Austria  77
  8. Poland  76
  9. France  75
  10. Germany  75
  11. Netherlands  74
  12. Finland  73
  13. Albania  72
  14. Estonia  72
  15. Lithuania  70
  16. FYR Macedonia  68
  17. Malta  67
  18. Belgium  65
  19. Azerbaijan  61
  20. Montenegro  58
  21. Russia  58
  22. Moldova  55
  23. Ireland  52
  24. Denmark 50
  25. Romania  42
  26. Belarus  42
  27. Slovenia  35
  28. San Marino  26
  29. Greece  18
  30. Portugal  14
  31. Latvia  4
  32. Georgia  0
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