Eurovision 2024 Review: Broken.

Broken.
The spirit of the Contest.
Our trust in the reference group.
The trophy.
Broken.

“It’s a nice mission statement, isn’t it? United By Music. It’s the shortest and ultimate description of the reason why Eurovision exists, and it’s sad to realize that even after 67 years it has to be stated this explicitly. Or is it the most joyous expression of humanity finding each other despite differences and literal wars that are still being fought out?” That’s a copy-paste from my blog opening last year. And while I usually enjoy being right, I’m not really basking in that particular glory right now. Nor have I been basking in it for the past three months. because that’s how long it took me to gather the courage/energy to finally get this 2024 review going. But now the start of the 2025 season creeps upon us, it might be time to get over myself and get cracking.

Because I’m still so fucking angry over the 2024 edition I can hardly put it into words. Which is why I won’t. I believe my blog post from the day of the final speaks volumes enough, and sadly it’s still super relevant. The fact that a certain country confirmed their participation for 2025 within only a few days after the final before anyone else, did not help my feelings of anger and frustration towards the EBU. Nor has the confirmation of their main sponsor being kept on board. It feels like the EBU still hasn’t learned, and we’ll have to brace ourselves for more stormvinds to come. So I won’t tackle the issue any more than I already have.

The hosts

Of course Petra Mede was always going to do a good job. She is, after all, thé Petra Mede. It was a great choice to have her accompanied by someone else though, as she might have become a bit too inner circle in the meantime for the casual viewer. So having the adorable and totally gorgeous Malin Akerman there for a bit of balance was an excellent choice. As was the fashion throughout the three shows. Malin in that white dress in the final? My drag persona could never. How is that woman even 2 years older than I am, yet she looks 20 years younger? Can I speak to Mother Nature’s manager please? Anyway, enjoyed these two together, and they’re all the proof we need that we don’t need more than two hosts for the show.

The show

The stage was one of the best I’ve seen in a long time: it didn’t feel as huge as the ones in past years, which in turn didn’t make the performers look like they were from the land of Lilliput. The lay-out also provided a lot of flexibility and it really didn’t look similar twice. The combo with the LED walls provided a lot of entertainment and clever stage concepts, totally adored it. The fact that its cross-like design was ultimately a kind of prediction of the eventual winner is only a cosmic cherry on top.

The postcards were simple but effective, and the selfie POV was as relevant as it was overdue. I happily rewatched them several times instead of skipping them like I regularly do in other editions.

The interval acts were a bit of a mixed bag, to be honest. Opening with Björn Skifs was an unexpected twist, and while this ode was certainly deserved it was also the start of many creative solutions to avoid too much inevitable disappointment over ABBA’s absence. Not even Alcazar (loved that little skit – not pronounced in the Swedish way), the Abbatars and/or three Diva’s singing Waterloo could make up for the Fantastic Foursome not being in Malmö. Which was a huge pity. But, considering their age and reluctance to dwell too much on their Golden Days, somewhat understandable.

What’s not super understandable is how Lynda Woodruff still keeps popping up. She was funny in MF2012, slightly less so in 2013 and now more than a decade later I’m sure ESC doesn’t need her input anymore. BUT, and it’s quite a big but, the fact that her song ‘Good To Go’ unwillingly played into the night’s controversies was indeed the sweet factor we didn’t know we needed until it was served to us. So, Lynda…maybe you’re not good to go just yet.

Oh, I didn’t even mention Loreen’s extensive abs exercise in a carwash setting. Probably because I’m so impressed with how she manages to pull that off that my jealousy has already classified it under ‘HUH’?

The voting

Now, usually I’ve got a couple of things to say when it comes to the voting but I was so stressed during the entire sequence that my mind draws a complete blank. All I can say is: thank fuck for the juries. And for Joanna Lumley.

The songs

Now that we got that of our chest, it’s time for the main course of this extensive blog post: the songs! What tickled my fancy…and what didn’t? As usual, the live versions delivered different results than what the previews held in store! Here are the countries that didn’t manage to sneak their way into the Dimivision top ten:

25. ISRAEL – I’m ever so sad I still have to use these hashtags, even three months after the contest: #ceasefirenow #stopthegenocide

24. ARMENIA – I guess going for the jugular sometimes pays off, but this abundance of lailailais in eighth place? HOW? This was more of an interval act to my eyes and ears than an actual entry, but hey – even my ears can be wrong sometimes.

23. LATVIA – It’s killing me slow.

22. SERBIA – BOOOORRRRRIIIIIING. Seriously, it takes about half the song before we get to the chorus/title line, which is admittedly very catchy. But underutilized.

21. FINLAND – Those first few seconds still take me back to Gunther’s Ding Dong Song and to be fair: the entire entry is one big dedication to the stupidity of that song. I mean that in the best way possible. But this is still one big stinking pile of nope. The gimmick with the pants is funny enough for a local parody show, but Eurovision? And there are some fans who say the song is Eurovisiony enough to make up for it. To those fans I say: you don’t care what’s wrong or right, do you?

20. GREECE – Still hate the high pitched parts here, so we didn’t get off to a good start. I simultaneously hate and love the stage concept because it’s a not so secret combination of clichés that are gasping for air, but they’re very well executed. Both by the dancers and by Marina, though the latter has got confidence and cockiness mixed up  at times. She could tone it down a notch, especially in that outfit that surely should have won the Barbara Dex award if it still existed. Still love the heavy beats in this though.

19. ESTONIA – Responsible for some of the most dubious vocals in this Contest, so they should be happy ending up in 19^th at all. But there’s something about their mischievous, brassy performance. The faux aerobic routine is equally stupid as it is entertaining and really helps sell the careless attitude these boys/men are giving off. I did feel for the audience members that were screamed at… Security?

18. UKRAINE – I expected this to end up dead last in my top 25/26, but good ol’ Ukraine did it again. The visual approach to this performance was STUNNING, for both singers’ parts. The mound/hill with the faux fire strike, the giant cubes with AlyonaAlyona as some kind of rapping sensei.. I still hate the song (and especially the religious theme) with a passion, but they did sell this for all Kyiv’s worth and then some.

17. ITALY – While I did appreciate this for a little while, La Noia ended up being annoying indeed once we came to Malmö. It’s just a bit too much of everything: the visuals are too busy, there are too many words in the song and above all: Angelina’s vocals still sound wobbly at best for the majority of the song (to my ears). I get that some consider it to be a summer vibe, I’d prefer the sound of silence over this.

16. SLOVENIA – I love me some witch powers, but the truly powerful moments are too few and far between here. One could argue that being semi-naked is powerful enough, and one would be right, but then it needs to contribute to the story they’re bringing. Which it didn’t necessarily do.

15. GERMANY – Always on the run and it became instantly evident, because those vocals started at 100 and never came down. Which is a bit of a shame, because this could have done with a bit of build-up to really get the most out of the song. It’s impressive all the way through, sure – though sometimes you gotta let the room breathe for a bit, or ease into it. But how the hell he went full out while standing that close to fire for half the song is beyond me. Also: nice having live backing vocals visible on stage – pity they weren’t used very effectively.

14. FRANCE – Slimane can SING, there’s no doubt about it. But did this really need all of the theatrics? What am I saying, of course the French entry’s gonna have these antics. But, and it’s a very big but, what the hell was that moment where he faux slapped us all across the face? Wasn’t the performance trying to emulate a deeply personal connection? Is there something you’d like to confess, Slimane? All this aside, this sure deserved its top 5 position. But to me this experience was très meh.

13. AUSTRIA – Reminiscent of the ‘90s, this was always waaaay to pale in comparison. The stage act was, as promised, delicious and super effective. But nothing about this was surprising, riveting or amazing. We wanted to rave, but this was more like a kids disco on a Sunday afternoon. But deliciously reminiscent of the ‘90s indeed.

12. GEORGIA – Still Fierce with a capital F, as if she was a contender for Helena Paparizou’s crown. Everything about this screamed Eurovision…about ten years ago. The fact that the song sounded super AI-generated didn’t help. But welcome back to the final, Georgia. Now combine this new found Power with your usual quirky approach and you might have a recipe for gold in your hands. Not the kind of tinfoil gold she was wearing, no.

11. UNITED KINGDOM – Oh dear, oh dear. Such a cool song, carefully strangled by a stage concept that was way too risky and raunchy for what is a melancholic and dreamy composition. It felt like it was ripped off of Pornhub, which isn’t a bad thing per sé but perhaps asking a lot from the average Eurovision viewer. I get that in these times of Euphoria or It’s A Sin (the TV shows, not the songs) we’re constantly flirting with the edges of what is generally perceived as decency, but there’s a time and place for everything. Especially when those LED visuals could have worked wonders without all the (admittedly delicious) distractions. Same goes for the vocals, probably.

And now for the points of the Dimivision jury:

1 point: Cyprus – Silia Kapsis – Liar

I originally had this in 11^th but did a switcheroo because the simplicity really worked here. And above all: how bloody impressive a job did she do, dancing and singing like that? At 17?! Sure, the song is a bit average, but they really did a stellar job in selling this. Special mention for the clock-like move where the dancers move around her in a straight line. One complaint though: what good is ripping off those shirts when there’s only 5 seconds to go, with not a close-up in sight? I know, I know – for UK it was too much, here it’s too little – but never enough.

2 points: Croatia – Baby Lasagna – Rim Tim Tagi Dim

While this may not be my fave entry on neither a lyrical or an aesthetic level, this simply oozes so much power I have no choice but to put it in my top ten. Didn’t see that coming, but Baby Lasagna really brought his A-game to Malmö. Loving the fuse of electronics and rock above all else, and the entire thing is so cleverly set up that you really end up not minding the abundance of lace hitting you in the face. So all in all: a soft meow back. And a purr or two.

3 points: Sweden – Markus & Martinus – Unforgettable

The whiff of plagijat surrounding this entry is still a thorn in my side (Alexa, play Eurythmics!), but other than that this is your quintessential Swedish entry as we’ve seen them plenty of times in the past decade. A clever composition that touches on familiarity, vocals that make you wonder how much of it as actually live and a stage show for the ages. It’s almost mechanical, which is probably where this entry missed a hurdle. M&M almost sound like Alvin & the Chipmunks too. But a highly effective opener indeed.

4 points: Portugal – iolanda – Grito

Will I ever play this out of my own free will? Not really, it’s a bit too fickle and gloomy to sneak its way into my Spotify playlists. And I don’t mind fickle and gloomy, it’s just not captivating enough to draw me in…with sound alone. But the entire package in Malmö was really captivating: iolanda’s confidence as a performer is *chef’s kiss* and the black & white stage concept brought a nice contrast to the brazen visual explosions from almost everyone else in the competition. Clearly jury fodder, so I was happy I hit my top 10 prediction for this on the head. Well deserved indeed.

5 points: Norway – Gåte – Ulveham

I initially had this up higher, heavily influenced by my love for the studio version. But upon rewatching the final, I found the vocal performance to be way more fragile than my memories from Final night seemed to suggest. So fragile in fact that a podium finish was no longer in the cards. Pity, because that in-your-face chorus deserved and desperately needed a powerhouse performance. I also don’t know if we really needed the theatrics with the guitars in the air. Sometimes less is indeed more. But I still happily scream along with this in my car, so 5 points it is.

6 points: Luxembourg – Tali – Fighter

I’d state I don’t know what it is that draws me to this, but I know exactly what it is that draws me to this: everything. The lyrics above all, which for me work wonders in the mixed French-English version. The tempo switches as well, especially the fast paced bits in French which were cleverly drenched in heavy fire and strobe effects that we weren’t able to figure out how much of it Tali actually sang. The entire performance is well thought out too, and clearly inspired by what Chanel brought in 2022 – keep an eye on the dancer’s heights and the way they move across the stage and you’ll know what I mean. And that might be its Achilles heel: it feels ever so slightly overproduced. Which is understandable: after 30 years of absence, one wants to ensure a  comeback worthy of that name. So: welcome back, Luxembourg. Curious to see what the future brings.

7 points: Spain – Nebulossa – Zorra

Fabulossa. The concept of the lyrics, the production drenched in 80s sounds, the tongue-in-cheek performance: all of it is bang on the money. And it’s so refreshing not seeing another early-twentysomething doing another variation of what is supposed to be cool. The vocals were still the weak point, but it sounded much better than during Benidorm Fest. I think the red canapé was a mistake though – Maria looked uncomfortable climbing on and off of it, this could and should have been handled better. Otherwise no complaints at all: it’s still in my playlist, and I’ve discovered many a gem in their back catalogue. Such fun!

8 points: Lithuania – Silvester Belt – Luktelk

Probably the coolest song of the bunch and possibly the coolest performance of the night – whatever coolest may mean. The vocals were on the money, Silvester seemed like he was having a good time and the stage concept was cool as a cucumber. I feel like the shoulderography was perhaps too understated and/or not highlighted cleverly enough for it to really contribute to the coolness of it all, and it made Silvester look a tad too uninvolved in the first half of it. The fact he jumped into the choreo in the second part made up for that, but that might have been too little too late. I was still surprised this didn’t make top ten, this could and should have easily been Lithuania’s best result ever.

10 points: Ireland – Bambie Thug – Doomsday Blue

There’s at least one entry per year I do not get beforehand, and then all of a sudden it clicks when seeing it on stage, and this simply BLEW ME AWAY in the semi and again in the final. So fucking powerful, it chilled me to the bone. Bambi’s confidence is so fingerlicking good, everything about this performance works to a T. The demon is scary as hell, but the interaction between both performers ànd the cameras is just so (pun alert) on point, it’s really quite the work of art. Bambi’s vocals only put the icing on the cake, with their delicate feel in the verses and the brutal force in the chorus – their screams are truly almost otherworldly. The statement at the end was the cherry on top. May this inspire the desired change for the emerald island. It certainly was an awesome representation for the non-binary community, and I for one wouldn’t have minded seeing the crown on this particular witches’ head.

12 points: Switzerland – Nemo – The Code

Non-binary power to the max! Never would I have dreamed to be represented so fiercely at Eurovision this soon after having divulged my own non-binaryness back in 2022, and in such vastly different yet comparable ways. The dramatic levels for both Ireland and Switzerland soared at an all time high, with vocal prowess to die for. I suspect Nemo’s slightly less scary and somewhat more straight (…) to the point approach might have made it more digestible. And I guess the whiff of Bohemian Rhapsody about this, with its fickle structure and operatic influences, won’t have harmed it either. I wasn’t too sure about the circular construction at first, but the evolution throughout the three minute performance of how it’s used and how it emphasizes Nemo’s skill set really proves again that a focused performance can go a very long way. So powerful, so effective. Bonus: this is the first time La Suisse clinches the victory in the Dimivision universe. What a glorious first victory it is.

Too bad all of the non-binary power got overshadowed by all of the antics surrounded the EBU’s decisions. If only we could have had a sense of glory like we had in 2014 when Conchita unexpectedly clenched the victory. It will take more time for the wound to heal. Really curious how I will feel when the 2025 season kicks off. Hopefully the anger will have subsided by then. Hopefully the EBU has learned some painful lessons. The fact that Nemo broke the trophy is symbolism at its finest, couldn’t have dreamt up a better scenario – too bad such a scenario was needed in the first place.

All Time Chart

And finally a quick look at the Dimivision all time ranking, where Sweden has crossed the 200 threshold and is creeping up to the top three. Luxembourg scores points for the first time in 30 years, but still has to loose a place to Switzerland thanks to the latter’s first ever victory. Somewhere out of sight, Lithuania managed to add a third of their overall score to the tally. Long ways to go yet before coming into the light of the top 25 however!

1             France – 253 (1960 – 1977 – 1991 – 2002 – 2009)
2             Netherlands – 231 (1970 – 1971 – 1993)
3             Belgium – 208 (1968 – 1983 – 1986 – 1990 – 2003)
4             Sweden – 202 (1974 – 2012 – 2018) 
5             Finland – 190 (1962 – 1979 – 1985 – 1988 – 1989 – 2006 – 2007)
6             Italy – 190 (1958 – 1964 – 1978 – 1992 – 2021)
7             Norway – 186 (1966 – 1982 – 2000 – 2013)
8             Portugal – 183 (1972 – 1998 – 2017)
9             Germany – 181 (1959 – 1975)
10           Spain – 151 (1973 – 2022) 
11           Ireland – 136 (1969 – 1980 – 1984 – 1996)
12           United Kingdom – 135 (1961 – 1965)
13           Israel – 118 (1976)
14           Switzerland – 117 (2024)
15           Luxembourg – 113 (1956 – 1967)
16           Turkey – 105
17           Denmark – 93 (1957 – 1963 – 2001)
18           Iceland – 89 (1987 – 2019)
19           Greece – 87 (1981)
20           Austria – 82 (2014)
21           Slovenia – 78
22           Estonia – 67 (1999)
23           Bosnia-Herzegovina – 66
24           Russia – 61 (1994)
25           Croatia – 56

Read you in the spring of next year! Or summer, depending on how the Contest goes. 😉