Eurovision 2024 Previews Part 3: Croatia, Iceland & Slovenia

Time for one of the Big Favorites today, according to the bookies anyway. Who is it according to you, among this trio of red, white and blue?

4. Croatia – Baby Lasagna – Rim Tim Tagi Dim

The Song: While most people compare this to Käärijä, I’d throw in his fellow Fins from Lordi with their more poppy stuff (like HRH indeed). And it’s true that it covers a wide variety of bases with its musical mix of rock and dance, sprinkled with the onomatopoeia of Keiino that we were luckily spared of this year. But that’s where the comparison ends for me, as this feels much more generic and random. As if ChatGPT wrote it and nothing was edited from the initial result. It feels like some high school talent show number, or indeed something out of the Netflix Eurovision movie. What the title line is supposed to convey is of yet quite unclear, but it is TikTokable and that’s what matters. Right? Who cares that the verses are very meh and feel like a first draft, as long as the chorus has got a catchy riff and ditto tagline. Right? Fuck, I’m growing old.

Standout line: “Gonna miss you all, but mostly the cat” I hate people too.

The Voice: Decent enough to get the party in the chorus started, but overall this isn’t a stellar vocal performance. But neither was Käärijä’s in the schlager part of his silver entry, so whatever I guess.

The Style: Much like the song (and the vocals) it is a bit all over the place. This truly feels like an ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ approach. Or a brainstorm session where every idea was greenlighted. Neon animal figures on the screens, extra’s from ‘My Słowianie’ and then some fashion choices that would make Tim Gunn give you his typical apprehension-combo of frowning and staring over the edge of his glasses. But all with such a layer of ‘whatever’ that it’s (supposed to be) cool again. Whatever the word whatever may mean anymore.

In one line: I prefer my lasagna vegetarian.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It screams ‘I don’t care’ and what is cooler than that?
Why it won’t qualify: That doesn’t feel like a realistic scenario.
Qualifier? Yes.
Winner? I’m genuinely quite baffled this has been leading the pack at the bookies for the past few weeks, it’s hard  to imagine it’ll remain like that once rehearsals get going. I’d love for Croatia to win, especially on their 30th ESC-versary, I’d just hate it if it’d happen with this. In short: I’m so apprehensive over this, it might indeed stand a chance because that’s just my luck.

8. Iceland – Hera Björk – Scared Of Heights

The Song: If you’d tell me this was originally meant to feature on a Steps album circa 2006 I’d probably not even bat an eyelash. My instant reply would be ‘album filler’ though. It’s a nice enough pop song that ticks several cliché boxes, but it’s got no hooks to make it stand out. It will have you tapping along with your foot, only to forget about it completely once it’s done. Not the best quality in the context of a competition.

Standout line: “Been here before and never got it right” Insert obvious joke here.

The Voice: Bless Hera. We know she’s a capable vocalist, but that NF performance left a bit to be desired. Was it nerves? Was it dubious sound quality by RUV? Probably both. The past has proven however that miss Björk (this one, not the other one) knows her way around the notes, so I’m not too worried on this front. One might even state that she’s kinda wasted on this song.

The Style: Perfectly fine, as middle of the road as can be. Hera’s looking great, and anything that sparkles gets my royal nod of approval. Not sure about the dated ‘is it a skirt or pants or both’ trick, but then again it fits the dated feeling overall. Same goes for the tiny staircase with tiny platform. Which incidentally made Hera look like she was actually scared of heights – or scared to fall anyway. Not sure if that was the intent. But by all means, keep it – any drop of entertainment is welcome here.

In one line: Someday fantasy will set us free.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: It ticks a lot of expectation boxes.
Why it won’t qualify: It’s so been there done that it feels like it’s been done 70 times over.
Qualifier? Probably not.
Winner? What’s Icelandic for LOL?

9. Slovenia – Raiven – Veronika

The Song: As I am listening to this and the last note plays out, I’m wondering what the hell I just listened to. The build-up is strange, going from almost non-existing verses to a wall of drums to presumably create an atmosphere of mystery, and it truly doesn’t go anywhere. There are barely any hooks with the exception of the title and the line before it, but they only add to the mystery. Who is Veronika and why should we care?  It’s a bit of an aimless attempt at recreating the vibe of last year’s winner without having any sense of direction. Which is baffling for an artist who has been dying for years to go to Eurovision.

Standout line: “Jaz sem, ti si / I am, you are” Bosnia Herzegovina 1999 called and claimed copyright.

The Voice: Past Slovenian NF’s cast some shadows on the public perception of her vocal capabilities. But Raiven’s outing to this year’s Croatian NF, where she performed a more acoustic version of her entry, should leave no trace of those doubts.

The Style: It’s fine finding inspiration in last year’s winner, on whichever level. But straight up copying feels like a bad idea. So, cut the nails (ha!) and the nude-ish body suit from the video and go for something else entirely. Or prepare to be very disappointed.

In one line: Raivenclaw.
PERSONAL TOTAL:
Why it will qualify: People are intrigued.
Why it won’t qualify: People are fatigued.
Qualifier? It’s gonna be borderline, either just sneak in or fall at 11th…
Winner? …but it won’t make many dents in the final scoreboard should it get there.

CURRENT DIMIVISION STANDINGS

LITHUANIA

  POLAND

  CYPRUS – SERBIA – CROATIA – SLOVENIA

IRELAND – UKRAINE – ICELAND

(Gosh, this isn’t the best of semis, is it?!)

Tomorrow: Finland, Moldova & Azerbaijan