All of this year’s songs have been selected, which means it’s time to (finally) start the countdown for the 2016 edition of our beloved Contest. I’ll be tackling the participating songs in alphabetical order, with our final course on the menu today: The ‘T’ & ‘U’ countries + wrap-up!
THE NETHERLANDS
(yeah, in my book it starts with an N as well – but hey: just following eurovision.tv)
The Song: For the second year in a row I have to sigh “really – thàt song?” when it comes to the Dutch entry. Could have been something swell, but instead we get something we’ve heard a zillion times before in one form or another (my own reference would be Runaway Train by Soul Asylum). It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, and at least it suits the singer (unlike Trijntje last year) – but it’s just so anonymous…
The Voice: Bless his little country heart, he’ll undoubtedly be THE positive element in this entry.
The Performance: Not much they can do, is there? Well, perhaps they’ll conjure another CATS-stunt out of their hats. Wait, isn’t that what they tried in 2015 as well?
In one line: Slow down…but don’t snore.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 61%
PREDICTION: I doubt this will do great things. I do hope they’ll get their place in the final, even if it’s just to annoy the similar song from the UK.
UKRAINE
The Song: Walking a very fine line between social history and politics, so this is a heavy handed (and not entirely uncontroversial) entry by default. When you actually understand anything that’s been sung, that is. As a song, it’s…okay, I guess – surely not the masterpiece some claim it to be. Way too fickle for that.
The Voice: To each his own, but I absolutely cannot stand the color of her voice. I hear what she’s trying to do, and all I want to do is reach for the mute button.
The Performance: Luckily, I can distinguish voice from interpretation – and her emotional rendition is what really sells this entry. Despite her annoying voice, it kinda sticks and speaks another language than the melody and color of voice. A rather bizarre phenomenon.
In one line: All over the place, I think I need more time with this one. (Not the best thought to associate with the instant universe that is Eurovision)
PERSONAL TOTAL: 36%
PREDICTION: Can this convince on first listen? It feels too fickle to go big, but I can see this survive its semi anyway.
UNITED KINGDOM
The Song: I’m so over these second/third rate songs from a country that has one of the best music scenes in the world. I really am. Make a fucking effort for once, UK. I beg of you.
The Voice: The redeeming feature of this entry, as I adore those lovely harmonies the guys manage to conjure up.
The Performance: Well, the guys are happy-go-lucky and the vibe they’ll (probably) manage to inject will lift this to another level. But not high enough to save this though.
In one line: Sod this shit, sorry guys.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 50%
PREDICTION: No way this’ll get out of the right hand side of the scoreboard.
And that concludes the previews for this year, y’all! Now that we’ve got my personal opinion out of the way, who do I see as the ones to watch out for come May 14th? Here’s my Madame Zelda selection in alphabetical order *gets crystal ball out*:
- Armenia – could easily pull a Suus or Love Injected
- Australia – mainly because I think Dami Im will sell this for way more than it’s worth
- Austria – sugary sweet, could work wonders
- France – it’s got all the ingredients for a smash hit
- Hungary – and world peace *Sandra Bullock-style fake cry and hand wave*
- Italy – petite and fragile, those are always the dangerous ones
- Poland – the odd one out may be the odd one in
- Russia – even though I’m not that convinced myself, but I wasn’t in 2008 either (about either of the top 2)
- Sweden – if people get it
So there you have it, just jinxed one third of the field, yay me! Not the best year, if you ask me – but I do like and adore a couple of them, so roll on May already! Stay tuned for more views once ESC week gets going!
Final Standings:
- Armenia – 91
- Latvia – 87
- Italy – 82
- France – 80
- Germany – 80
- Estonia – 79
- Austria – 78
- Georgia – 75
- Cyprus – 74
- Finland – 71
- Serbia – 70
- Australia – 70
- Hungary – 69
- Iceland – 68
- Montenegro – 68
- Slovenia – 67
- Israel – 65
- Belgium – 63
- Sweden – 62
- Russia – 62
- Bosnia & Herzegovina – 62
- Bulgaria – 61
- The Netherlands – 61
- Moldova – 60
- Albania – 60
- Lithuania – 60
- Czech Republic – 59
- Azerbaijan – 55
- Malta – 53
- Ireland – 51
- United Kingdom – 50
- Poland – 47
- F.Y.R. Macedonia – 46
- Croatia – 42
- Ukraine – 36
- Spain – 28
- Norway – 25
- San Marino – 20
- Switzerland – 19
- Romania – 18
- Belarus- 14
- Greece – 13
- Denmark – 10
Dimivision 