Eurovision 2016 Preview part 5 – The ‘M’, ‘N’, ‘P’ & ‘R’ countries

Posted: 23/04/2016 in Eurovision 2016

All of this year’s songs have been selected, which means it’s time to (finally) start the countdown for the 2016 edition of our beloved Contest. I’ll be tackling the participating songs in alphabetical order, with on the menu today: The ‘M’, ‘N’, ‘P’ & ‘R’ countries!

Malta

MALTA

The Song: So this was written by the team behind Molly Pettersson Hammar in the Swedish NF? Should’ve guessed, with those gospel elements. I’m not overly keen on the structure of the song, it doesn’t grab me and it doesn’t stick either. It sounds neither here nor there, and it doesn’t sound suited for Ira either. Dunno, something’s just…off.

The Voice: Perhaps it’s Ira’s voice that’s a tad too light for the song?

The Performance: If that dress in the video is an omen, then we’re in for one tacky performance. Which should be cool, gives me something to bitch about later.

In one line: Très Malta, all in all.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 53%
PREDICTION: Could go anywhere. Doubt she’ll repeat or better her silver medal from 2002, though.

Moldova

MOLDOVA

The Song: Oh Moldova. When you get it right, you’re brilliant. When you get it wrong, at least you’re mildly entertaining. This little composition sounds as if it was meant for the ’90s, so I kinda like the cheapness of it. But brilliant this ain’t – and never will be.

The Voice: Thé big working point here. I don’t even know how Lidia managed to win that NF with that rendition, to be honest.

The Performance: This simply screams for some choreo & strutting extravaganza. Leave any kind of construction (see 2015) at home, please.

In one line: Guilty pleasure, table for one.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 60%
PREDICTION: Unless a miracle happens, this’ll probably stay in semi 1.

Montenegro

MONTENEGRO

The Song: Yes, Montenegro, yes! Back to being the stubborn student in the Eurovision classroom, I see! Even though they get their better results with the more traditional entries, I like the more awkward ones – so I’m totally digging this one. Is it brilliant? No. Is it special enough? No. But is it different enough? Thank Goddess it is.

The Voice: Somehow I don’t think that will really matter with this entry.

The Performance: Just poor me a stiff rock’n roll drink, thanks.

In one line: Get your freak on, ha.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 68%
PREDICTION: I have no doubt this will not make the final, but I love it for being in the field  nonetheless.

Norway

NORWAY

The Song: “When you’re stuck in frozen water”? What the actual hell. Did they leave the lyrics up to a five year old? Almost enough reason for me to skip this one. Next to the disjointed combination of verses and chorus, that is. It’s like a mix of Euphoria & I Feed You My Love, but a rather clumsy one. It’s really too artificial to do anything for me.

The Voice: Seems to be stuck in frozen water as well, if you ask me.

The Performance: Gosh, that construction from the NF was so deliciously OTT that I hope they’ll bring it to Stockholm – the desperation continues!

In one line: Leaves me…wait for it… cold.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 25%
PREDICTION: This can thank its lucky stars that it’s in semi 2. Still won’t do nearly as well as a lot of fans seem to think.

Poland

POLAND

The Song: Well, what to say? It sounds like a couple of late ’80 slash early ’90s power ballads have been thrown into a blender and then this…thing came out. Odd, to say the least. Totally doesn’t fit the current timeframe, and really sounds like the odd one out in this radio-friendly year. Still I think the more traditional viewer will like this – I mean, Italy won the televote last year, why should this fare so much worse? Not my cup of tea anyway. Ow, and also: “tell me black or white – What color is your life?” I always thought black and white aren’t actual colors? #justsaying

The Voice: THE big selling point here. When we watched the Polish NF, it was immediately quite clear this was going to do well and that’s all thanks to Michal’s vocal rendition. Which is quite on par with Conchita’s, by the way. He really changes the space when he does those floating o-o-o-o’s.

The Performance: His Prince-meets-Louis Quattorze-look will be entertaining enough, I don’t think this needs much more than that (and those vocals, of course).

In one line: Glittery rainbow, darling, thanks for asking.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 47%
PREDICTION: I am quite sure this will do a heck of a lot better than anyone gives it credit for at the moment. I can easily see this go top ten. Yup, I said it.

Romania

ROMANIA

 

Well, I was completely ready to roast “Moment Of Silence”, but instead we have to give the Romanian entry three minutes of silence after it got booted from the competition. Not because it was that bad, which could’ve easily been the reason to be honest – but because TVR’s debts didn’t get payed in time. Or something. The lack of professionalism by the EBU is rather disturbing, I find – not saying they don’t have any grounds for doing what they did, but surely this isn’t a new issue. Why invite a broadcaster to enter, only to spit them out three weeks before the competition? You’re dragging down people who don’t have anything to do with the issue at hand, in the most visible way possible. A big no, if you ask me.

Russia

RUSSIA

The Song: So, I’m probably rather alone in this but this does quite little for me. Kontopoulos & Kirkorov’s songs to me always sound like they come around a couple of years too late, and this is no exception. It’s cleverly done, I’ll grant them that – but it feels sterile. I don’t really get its popularity or why it’s seen as THE front runner. There’s more interesting or contemporary stuff out there. Also: “Thunder and lightning, it’s getting exciting”? *rolls eyes*

The Voice: Sergey’s a regular superstar, so no doubt he’ll be on top of this.

The Performance: I suppose the video is partly responsible for the hype around this entry, and if they manage to recreate it on stage it could do wonders for the end result. However, the first live performance I’ve seen went down Alex Sparrow territory – can you hear the drums, Fernando?

In one line: I might appreciate this more on mute, I suspect.
PERSONAL TOTAL: 62%
PREDICTION: I really can’t see this win. Will probably do a top ten, or even top five – but win? Nah.

 

Current Standings:

  1. Armenia – 91
  2. Latvia – 87
  3. Italy – 82
  4. France – 80
  5. Germany – 80
  6. Estonia – 79
  7. Austria – 78
  8. Georgia – 75
  9. Cyprus – 74
  10. Finland – 71
  11. Australia – 70
  12. Hungary – 69
  13. Iceland – 68
  14. Montenegro – 68
  15. Israel – 65
  16. Belgium – 63
  17. Russia – 62
  18. Bosnia & Herzegovina – 62
  19. Bulgaria – 61
  20. Moldova – 60
  21. Albania – 60
  22. Lithuania – 60
  23. Czech Republic – 59
  24. Azerbaijan – 55
  25. Malta – 53
  26. Ireland – 51
  27. Poland – 47
  28. F.Y.R. Macedonia – 46
  29. Croatia – 42
  30. Norway – 25
  31. Romania – 18
  32. Belarus- 14
  33. Greece – 13
  34. Denmark – 10
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