Eurovision 2013 (P)Review – Part 9 – Latvia & San Marino

Here we go with semi 2, it’s part 9 of the run through of this year’s contestants! Will they be beautiful butterflies, or rather moths that have to hide away in the dark?

First of all, a bit of framework for the judging – I’ll be looking at the song, the vocal performance and the stage presentation (or concept of the video if we haven’t seen a stage performance) and I’ll round up by putting them to the DIMI test (do I think it’s Dramatic, Intriguing and/or Modern enough to Include in my iTunes library?). I’ll score the entries from 1 to 5 on each of those points, resulting in a score out of a possible maximum of 20.

 1. Latvia – PeR – Here we go

The Song: Montenegro’s weak little brother. The rap bits are the best thing this has to offer as that poor excuse for a chorus is empty as all hell and is repeated endlessly. ‘Here we go’ might be what the audience actually thinks with this opening the second semi. By which they might be sarcastic, as in ‘here we go again’, or they might simply mean it and actually go. Who can blame them. This is atrocious. What did I expect anyway, it’s Latvia aka Malta Up North.
The Voice: I suspect they’re all distant relatives to the Smurfs with that sound ruling the chorus. It irritates me beyond all reason.
The Performance: I guess that NF performance is an indication so I guess it fits the song and the vocals. The glittery outfit without shirt is the cherry on top of this cake that never should have left the bakery.
The DIMI test: Worst one this year. Period.

PREDICTION: This is where I get tempted to say stupid things like ‘if this qualifies I’ll eat fish every day for a year’. But I won’t. I want to though. But I won’t. Just in case I actually have to eat fish for a year. Karma can be a bitch. Still tempted to say it though.

2. San Marino – Valentina Monetta – Crisalide 

The Song: Well. First of all, let me compare this to the opening credits of thé Dutch series of the ’90s: Medisch Centrum West ( – I’m reminded of it every single bloody time this entry starts. Secondly, let me get slightly annoyed by Ralph Siegel popping up again. That man simply can not take a hint, or read his own expiration date. Last but not least: let me remind you of how that other ballad-turning-into-eurodance fan favourite did in 1999… It fell flat on its face. I clearly remember: I fell for it as well. Won’t happen again. That said, I do like the ballad bit. A bit.
The Voice: Well. Valentina did not really get a chance to prove herself as a singer last year now. This entry sure tries to have her pull out all the stops. We’ll just have to wait and see how thàt goes. Aww, that sounded harsh while I actually think she’s a sweety pie.
The Performance: Well. I can see what they’re trying to do with that video and they fail miserably as it looks like the entire thing cost about €20 to produce. I’m probably not far off the mark. I do like the bit where she holds the round IKEA lamp. One bonus butterfly if she uses it on stage. Instead of the inevitable wind machine?
The DIMI test: Well. I’m still too traumatised by what happened to Tha’ne Erotas. And I’ve grown up since. So: not really. But by all means, do enjoy.

PREDICTION: Well. No. It won’t happen this year. I know you want it to. But it won’t.

Tomorrow: FYR Macedonia & Azerbaijan


Published by Dimivision

Overly opinionated. Slightly off my rocker. There's no such thing as a guilty pleasure.

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